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By Brian Gotta, President of Upstart Sports

The first couple of times I saw this I didn’t think anything of it. But now that games are starting up again at the local fields, it appears to no longer be an anomaly but a trend. Parents everywhere are carrying their kids’ backpacks.

Everywhere I go, I see players getting out of their parents’ cars in the parking lot dressed in their uniforms ready to play. And next to them is their mom or dad carrying the player’s backpack up to the field. And I’m not talking about four or five year-olds; (though there is no reason they can’t manage a backpack), these are nine, ten and eleven year-old kids.

The packs do not appear to be very heavy. When I size them up with the player it seems clear to me this would not be an onerous burden. But, for some reason, the parent is the one with the strap over their shoulder, while the player trots along at their side.

This could be a case of a parent underestimating their child’s capabilities; still thinking of them as helpless babies even as they approach middle school.  But my guess it is more likely just a habit they are in of doing everything for their youngster. It is simply a reflex. I fold your laundry. I make your lunch. I clean up your room. I do your dishes. I grab your backpack. Either way, it is probably not what’s best for the child.

It is never too early to teach children personal responsibility. Am I playing, or are you playing? OK, it is your game so get your uniform ready. You need to know where your pants, socks, cleats and jersey are, not me. Get them ready the night before the game so there is no drama tomorrow. Same with your gear. Make sure everything you need is in your backpack ready to go so you (notice I did not say “we”) are not looking for them when it is time to leave. This process may be a struggle at first, but soon it becomes a habit.

After I had started writing this article, sheerly by coincidence, I heard a book mentioned on a news program titled, “Make Your Bed,” by Admiral William H. McRaven, (USN Retired). The book is the offshoot of a commencement speech he gave which has gone viral and been viewed over 10 million times. In that speech he gives this advice:

“If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed. Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never do the big things right.”

I have not yet read the book. It arrived yesterday and I am looking forward to doing so, and to sharing it with my grown children. I wish I had heard this advice years ago because my wife and I did not demand that our kids make their beds every morning when they were young, and we should have.

But they did carry their own bags.

Brian Gotta is a former youth baseball coach and volunteer Little League board member. He is the President of Help Kids Play and also author of four youth sports novels and a baseball coaching book which can be found at www.booksbygotta.com. He can be reached at [email protected]

By Dr. Chris Stankovich

Want to know one of the fastest ways to help your child improve in sports?  The answer might be simpler than you ever thought — listen to the coach! While this advice might sound like common sense, I find that a good number of parents disregard coach feedback.  Some parents have told me that the coach doesn’t know the game, plays “politics” with their kid, or doesn’t have the same acumen and expertise as their personal coach.  While it is true that the feedback a coach provides isn’t always fun to receive, often in life we only truly improve our situation when we face the real problems that hold us back.

Let down your defense

Sport parents today invest a ton in their kids through time, money, and travel.  With such an enormous commitment and hope for future success, it’s understandable why some parents spin, deflect, or flat out deny that their child needs to improve in the ways the coach suggests.  Sure, it doesn’t feel good to hear that your child is performing below what he or she is capable of, but often coaches can provide the specific tools necessary to help your child improve.  Try instead to see the advice as important and positive, not threatening and designed to make you feel bad.

One of my more common clinical observations over the years, and a good explanation of why some young athletes fail to live up to their potential, is that kids and their parents sometimes refuse to face and respond to their shortcomings.  Instead, they tend to practice even more on the things they already do well.  This is understandable, as it’s easier to do what you already do well, but this approach also prevents kids from becoming more complete and talented athletes.

Use an ‘active listening’ approach

When the coach has feedback for your child, try using an active listening approach in order to gain the most from his or her advice.  Listen patiently, ask for clarification when things are unclear, summarize what you are hearing so the coach can correct things, if necessary, and encourage the coach to continue sharing his or her thoughts by remaining positive and open-minded.  When you interact with the coach in this manner, you will soon find that you are both pulling in the same direction, and that your child will be the benefactor of you and the coach working together.

What you should try and avoid is negative body language, arguing, refusing to listen to the coach, or flat out telling the coach he or she is ‘wrong.’

Final thoughts

The coach can be one of the most invaluable resources parents can use as they work to help their kid reach his or her full potential.  Similar to receiving feedback from a teacher, it’s important to be respectful, listen closely, ask questions for clarification, and offer thanks afterwards.  The sooner your child identifies and works on his or her greatest weaknesses is the moment important growth can occur, and this progress is often a result of working closely with your child’s coach.

Dr. Chris Stankovich is a national expert in the field of sport & performance psychology and has assisted thousands of athletes reach their full athletic potential. He is the Founder of Advanced Human Performance Systems, and is known as “The Sports Doc” for his weekly segment on Ohio News Network (ONN). Please visit www.drstankovich.com for exciting, easy-to-understand Peak Performance videos, audios, assessments, and feature articles.

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