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By John Ellsworth
Every athlete that comes to me for help almost always wants to improve their performance and get more playing time. Every parent wants their child to be the best in their sport, have fun, and grow from the lessons sports teaches us about life. I would like to think all parents want this, but some miss the point and are more focused on what sports can provide in return. What is the message we are giving to our kids about sport participation? I recently worked with a very talented volleyball athlete that was invited to play for an elite travel team. At this level competition everyone on the team is very talented. Playing time comes down to those with the best skills, and ultimately those the coach feels can best serve the team goals. At this level the goal is highly end result focused. At this level most players hope to be seen by a college coach in hopes of receiving a scholarship. But what happens to the athlete that is obviously very talented, wants desperately to be seen, but likely will not get the playing time they desire. Every athlete that comes to me wants to be the best, but they don’t all have the talent to make it at the next level. So how do we help this athlete get what they need? There are many ways to approach this subject all of which have their pluses and minuses. The most important success factor in addressing this subject however, is indeed how the coach is approached and how the message is delivered. On one hand too many parents feel they must control what happens to their kids and make sure every experience is positive otherwise the kids won’t be happy. As a result they get involved in assuring success is a sure thing. While this may lead to short term gratification, it can unfortunately have negative long term consequences. Everyone has and will experience setbacks, challenges, and disappointments in life especially in sports; this is one aspect of how character is developed. One of the best motivators in life comes from experiencing and feeling what it’s like to lose. It either motivates us to learn from setbacks or it demoralizes us and we rarely hear the life message or learn the life lesson. Let’s face it we learn how to cope with adversity, defeat, and difficult situations in childhood. In childhood our parents impart upon us the coping tools they learned from their parents. Right, or wrong our children learn from what we teach them and from their own experiences. Part of growing up is learning how to cope and or navigate our way through the tough times. This is how we develop character and develop the tools that help us to handle the life struggles we will face. This athlete wants to be apart of the starting lineup, but at this point she is not getting the playing time in scrimmages and therefore is feeling passed up by the coach. It’s not yet been determined whether the coach is playing his favorites or whether he is actually picking the most talented athletes to be his starters. At some point however, before the season starts the coach will decide on his starting lineup. To address this issue the parents could get involved by approaching the coach, but I would not suggest this. The athlete approaching the coach is the best first approach. If the athlete approaches the coach with the right intent and the message is delivered effectively the results can be overwhelmingly positive. But how exactly should the player approach the coach? For purposes of discussion let’s say the coach has an open door policy and encourages the athletes to come forward if they have any issues. Here is what I believe to be the 3 Steps to Getting More Playing Time. It represents a reliable strategy to approach the coach and ask for what they want. 1. The athlete must know what their goals are. What do they ultimately want? Is it simply more playing time right now this season, or is there a longer term goal the athlete has in mind like a college scholarship. Lastly, it’s important to know who has the agenda – the child, or the parents? The goals must be written down and available for discussion with the coach. I would ask the athlete to pick no more that three goals; one long term goal, and two season specific performance goals. 2. The athlete must know their strengths and weaknesses. From their own assessment and from what they have heard from coaches and others in their support system make a list of your Top 10 strengths and weaknesses. What are the skills the coach will most likely identify as needing improvement? Have these with you when you meet with the coach. 3. What is the message you want to bring to the coach? Be clear and concise about what you plan to say. The message should come from a more global view of helping the team be more successful and how you believe your contribution will help the team. The following approach takes the “me” out of the discussion, and places more emphasis on the “team,” while asking for help to define where you need to be with your skills to become a major contributor to the team’s success. “Coach, I would like to be one of your go to players – a part of the starting team. I know I have strengths and weaknesses and am willing to do whatever is necessary strengthen my weaknesses in order that I may be a stronger asset to the team. Can you please tell me what you believe to be my Top 3 weaknesses that if improved will help me reach a skill level that would give me a good shot at a starting position?” The benefits to this approach are many. The coach gets a wonderful perspective of an athlete that is not afraid to ask for what they want. This is a great teaching opportunity for the coach to learn more about the athlete’s character and provide guidance and feedback. There is no guarantee the feedback will be what the athlete wants to hear, but at least the athlete has taken the steps to ask for what they want. The benefits to the athlete are many; they gain more respect from the coach, they learn effective communication skills, they build self-esteem, and they get immediate and informative feedback. If the coach is forthright the athlete now knows what needs to be done to take his success to the next level. The benefits to the parents are many as well, but most importantly they have helped their son or daughter develop effective life skills and empowered them to not be afraid to ask for what they want. If they feel empowered they see life from a greater world view perspective. For more information about this article contact or for information on mental game coaching contact John R. Ellsworth – Mental Game Coach at Protex Sports, LLC. http://www.protexsports.com. You can also send your questions to Ask Coach John. By Brian Gotta, President of Upstart Sports
There are many mistakes – big and small – made by youth sports coaches everywhere. But here are five in particular that seem to be some of the most common traps we fall into. 1) Degrading an opponent: While common sense tells us that most youth coaches know enough not to outright demean a youngster on another team, unfortunately in the worst of circumstances, it does occur. However, what is much more prevalent is when an opposing coach thinks he is being sly or clever and denigrates a player on the other team under the guise of “coaching” his own kids. Examples are, “Get ready to rebound. He has hasn’t made a free-throw this half,” or “Just throw strikes, he hasn’t swung the bat yet.” 2) Becoming angry with players and embarrassing them without coaching: Sure, especially at the youth, recreational level, coaching should be mostly positive and encouraging. The younger the players, the more, “Good try!” and “Get them next time,”s there should be. But as players get older and more skilled, and as winning becomes more important, kids want a coach who will get the most out of them. Even if that means pointing out mistakes. However, the difference between a good coach and a poor one is this: A good coach will address a mistake a youngster made and combine it with something helpful; namely what he could or should have done differently so that he can have success in the same situation next time. A poor coach only gets angry, as if the kid intentionally did something to annoy him, and simply berates. Yelling things like, “What were you thinking?” or “Were you listening in practice?” or “We can’t have that!” certainly serve the intended purpose of making players feel bad, but does nothing to help them improve. In fact, statements such as those have the opposite effect by creating fear, nervousness and lack of confidence. 3) Setting a poor example: When I coached, if our team went to the pizza place after a game, I’d never drink anything alcoholic in front of them. I don’t smoke, but if I did, my players would never know. And a coach should never swear or make crude remarks in front of his players, even if they’re teenagers. These players look up to you and think of you on a level that may equal or even surpass their own parents. Why then let them see or hear you do something you wouldn’t want them to do? 4) Giving up on a team: The coaches I admire most are the ones still working and exhorting their players even in the face of obvious defeat. The soccer coach down 6-0 in the second half who is still up motivating his team to attack and defend. The basketball coach behind by twenty with two minutes left trying his best to cut into the deficit until the buzzer sounds. Or the baseball coach losing by eight runs who tries to make his team believe they can still come back and win. And a sin even greater then giving up on a game, is giving up on the season. When they’re older, the kids you are coaching will be confronted with plenty of adversity. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they learned early in life to never surrender, regardless of the circumstances? You have the opportunity to teach that life lesson. 5) Giving up on a player: We’ve all had kids on our teams who didn’t have the athletic tools to become great. A selfish coach ignores them and focuses on the stars who can help him win. But don’t the players with lesser ability deserve just as much help and instruction as the stars? They need it more. And even a self-serving coach should know that every member of the team is like a link in a chain. Concentrating on only on the strongest links means sometime, in a critical moment, a weaker link is bound to fail and hurt everyone. The secret to being a great coach is to prepare your players – for the next play, the next game – but also for the next season and for the years ahead. If you can instill in your team tenacity, sportsmanship and self confidence you’ll have taught them to be winners – regardless of your record at the end of the year. Brian Gotta is a former professional recreational youth baseball coach and volunteer Little League coach and board member. He is President of Help Kids Play, a collection of companies whose mission is to further the development and enjoyment of youth sports. Imagine your team enjoying custom batting gloves with your logo embroidered on the backs. Full leather palms and quality craftsmanship mean these gloves will be a hit (and get hits) season after season.
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